Emptiness

I think it's that time again where I need a place to let out all the sadness that I've been holding up in this chest. Enough with the strong face, enough of pretending that everything is all fine. It's pathetic to know that you're very very sad inside. And it's super tiring not to let everyone knows that.

I'm sad simply because I feel e.m.p.t.y. I may have a great job, wonderful friends, but at the end of the day, I go back to the four walls of my room. No companion to share my day with, no one to accompany me for a decent dinner, no one to snuggle to in bed. After a tiring day at work, I long to have someone to just ask me, "How was your day?". Not much to ask for right?

People around me, some friends even, think I'm all about career. Hello, I keep myself busy with work BECAUSE I don't want to go back to an empty home feeling more alone than ever. It's much easier going back when you're super exhausted and simply hit the bed. No time to think of this heart is feeling. How lonely it is. How it is aching so bad. Please stop judging me.

I've reached to the point where I have trouble sleeping, heart feeling numb, lost all my self-esteem when it comes to men. It's funny though. I negotiate contracts worth millions and billions for a living and yet when it comes to men, I am like a scrawny lil 12 year-old having major self-esteem issue.

I just don't understand when people around me keep saying that guys are intimidated by me. If only you know that my self-confidence is NIL when it comes to a relationship, then perhaps you should they realize there's nothing to be afraid of. I'm just another human being who needs a companion, to love and to be loved.

Where art thou Mr. Companion? Where art thou?:(